We own a goldfish. We did own three goldfish, now there’s just one hearty (and quite frankly, lucky as heck) goldfish. Goldfish are about the neediest pets we can handle. Then I offered to watch my parents’ dog…for four weeks.
Did you know I have a dog sister? Her name’s Dinah. She’s definitely more family member than dog. The plan was she’d stay at their house and I’d stop by a couple times a day to feed and walk her. Did I mention I’m allergic to dogs?
It was an eye opening month.
Warning: This post is not for the faint of stomach. Beware; there are lots of poop references ahead.
Dog-sitting Eve:
I checked out three books about training dogs. It is my goal to train the constant barking out of Dinah. Wish me luck.
Day one:
Ugh. Knowing you’ll have to pick up dog poop is totally different than actually picking up dog poop.
Day two:
Lesson learned: you should always check the poop bag for holes before you start the walk.
Day three:
It’s bad enough I have to carefully (oh so very carefully) pick up after Dinah, but then I have to carry the bag of warm poo? There must be a better way to carry the poop bag once it’s full. Maybe the dog could carry it somehow? I’ll think about it.
Day four:
I tried walking the dog back and forth in front of the house until she did her business so I could leave the “bag of fun” on the front lawn and we could finish the walk poop-free. Would she go? Of course not.
Day five:
I’ve been tracking our walks on Map My Fitness. Sometimes we get up to a good three miles per hour. For an older dog, she’s keeping me moving. She must really look forward to that after-walk treat.
Day six:
A solution! At least for now. I’m dreaming of a poop sucking dust buster. I can deal with spiders, bugs and snakes. Poop is another matter.
Day seven:
It was a new kind of two bag day. Dinah had diarrhea. This wasn’t in the instruction book. Ew.
I haven’t thought about poop this much since P was a baby.
P.S. Have you ever struggled to clean up dog diarrhea from a neighbor’s lawn with a plastic bag…and managed to stay clean? Me either.
Day eight:
Well, I can guess how she got diarrhea. She’ll try to eat anything we walk past. I never noticed how much litter there was on the side of the road until I started walking Dinah. Pick up after yourselves, people!
Day nine:
This is for the birds…grumble, grumble. You have to walk dogs whether it’s raining or not, in snow and during heat waves. Goldfish are happy if you give them an extra pellet. Just sayin’…
Day ten:
Hey! This is a lot like parenting, guys. Cleaning up poop, being patient, making sure all their needs are met even if you’d rather sleep in, watch TV or read a book…All. The. Time. The only difference is your dog-child never grows up to take care of herself.
Day 11:
Uh oh. Diarrhea again…in the house. P took one whiff and went right back outside. He waited in the front stoop for me to clean it all up. On the upside, he’s officially cured of wanting a dog.
Day 12:
Ew. How often do people wash their dog’s leash anyway? Do they ever wash them? I better wash Dinah’s just in case…It’s been a tough couple of weeks for that leash.
Day 13:
How do dog owners not cave in to those big, begging puppy eyes or go bonkers yelling at the dog to just stop begging!
Dinah, I know you’re not satisfied with the bowlful of dry pellets. I know my piping hot Tombstone pizza is too big for one person and smells delicious, but my parents, your parents, told me very clearly not to feed you people food. Now if a “crumb” or two should fall off the table…
Day 14:
Mornings before coffee/shower/breakfast I wish I had Harry Potter’s invisibility cloak. It’s too early to socialize/smile/greet the people in the neighborhood while I follow Dinah around with a poop bag.
Day 15:
I keep mixing parenting styles between P and Dinah. I find myself saying very firmly, “Five….four…three…” when Dinah won’t listen or come when I tell her to. And I say, “Shush!” when I’m trying to get P to calm down and listen. As long as I don’t start putting P’s supper in a dog dish I don’t think there’ll be any lasting damage.
Day 16:
Forgot the evening walk and feeding. Well, I remembered it as I was getting ready for bed…I apologized profusely the second I walked in the door (wearing my pajamas). I think Dinah forgave me.
Accidentally shouted “I love you!” to Dinah as I left for the night. She might be growing on me.
Day 17:
Evidently, Dinah thinks she’s a bloodhound. What exactly are dogs sniffing for when they are deciding on the perfect place to poop?
Day 18:
Dropped off Dinah at a “doggy hotel”, as my Grandma used to say. We’re heading to Milwaukee for a short family vacation. Dropping her off was painful. She had these eyes, (oh, those eyes!) that said “How could you leave me here in this perfectly nice place with these perfectly nice people? How could you??” P and I handed over the leash, gave her hugs and made a run for it. Seriously, it was worse than leaving my infant son at daycare for the first time.
Day 21:
When Dinah came tearing out of the doggy hotel’s kennel area to come home, she was ecstatic. P grabbed her leash and didn’t even have time to react when she ran for the heavy glass door, jumped on it and pushed it open. We’re happy to see her, too. 🙂
Day 22:
I’m going to miss these compulsory walks every day. It’s been nice to get out and breathe fresh air twice a day.
Did I mention I locked myself out of my parents’ house today? Dinah and I got a little more fresh air than we counted on while waiting to get back in and kept the neighbors on their toes while we tried to break into three different parts of the house, unsuccessfully. Mom and Dad, your house is secure.
Day 23:
Owning a dog is a fantastic (and expensive and never ending) weight loss method.
It’s really hard to show love and affection, sit next to, or even stay in the same room as someone you love…but are allergic to. Poor Dinah. Achoo!
Day 24:
Completely forgot about a weekend planned with friends up north. I have to bring Dinah back to the doggy hotel. How do I break the news to Dinah?
Day 25:
Have a I boasted lately that I’ve successfully trained the excessive barking right out of Dinah? Well I have. It’s amazing what can be accomplished with enough dog treats.
Day 26:
I swear I’m never taking a dog to a kennel again. The guilt! See Day 18.
Day 30:
It’s my last day taking care of Dinah and I’ve finally got this dog walking thing down, I think:
- Tie empty bags (2) to leash
- Start Map My Fitness app before putting the leash on Dinah ensuring she doesn’t take off and yank the phone out of my hand.
Double, triple check your keys are in your pocket.- Go!
It was an eyeopening month.
I love Dinah even more now. She stopped barking. I took a lot of selfies with a dog (which Dinah wasn’t necessarily into). I had fun. I learned a lot. I survived. AND I kept a child, a goldfish and a dog alive for 30 days. I draw the line at cats.
Totally hilarious! You are such a great daughter…and dog sitter
But you might be biased… (:
1- I love your humor!
2- We take care of my parents’ dogs whenever my parents leave town. It is always interesting having 3 dogs (our dog plus my parents’ 2 dogs) as we ‘move’ into their place when we watch their dogs. I’ve tried, unsuccessfully, to train the licking out of one of their dogs.
3- Whenever we take Zoe for a walk she poops twice. There is no having her poop once at home and then being done. I had tried that. You always are left carrying poop home. There is nothing that says, “I’m cool” more then carrying a bag of warm dog poop with you.
Thanks for the compliment!
Boo to warm poop in a bag!
Cats are much easier. But there is still poop. Everyone poops.
Good point. Doesn’t make dog poop any easier for me though. …
This is such a funny and heart tugging excerpt about your relationship with your parents dog. How you survived the allergy attacks amazes me considering it is now time for fall allergies.
We are now dog sitting my daughter’s dog and survived one week so far. We thought this escape artist was confined in our yard, until the neighbor’s dog came over through the hole Kona dug for himself.
No, we still don’t want a dog of our own. When he finally goes home, we will still love our grand-dog…
I feel the same way. Visiting my sister dog is just fine by me!
Makes me laugh out loud!