It’s an innocent-looking cow isn’t it? Trust me; it’s more Chucky than cute. It was supposed to be motion activated and moo. Until that fateful moment when I pulled that battery’s protective slip out and it started working, I thought it would be the perfect decoration at an upcoming event.
It was loud. And the sensor didn’t seem to be motion activated, but light activated. It was too loud and mooed too frequently for the upcoming event, but now that I had activated it I wasn’t sure what to do with it. It just kept mooing and mooing and mooing.
I tried putting tape over the “speaker” and tape over the sensor. This normally works with our loud, annoying children’s toys. Neither one stopped that cow from mooing.
I put it in my desk’s closed overhead compartment. The cow was silent…until I opened the compartment, which was startling. And funny. It turned out I opened that compartment more often than I thought. I started swearing at the cow. Time to try something new.
I thought I would put it in a file drawer I don’t use very frequently, but I had the same problem. It turned out opening the drawer above it was enough to trigger the super sensitive sensor. I’m pretty sure that thing could sense movement on an atomic level. At least I didn’t go in that file cabinet very often.
Then for some reason I needed to clean out some files from that file drawer. I stuffed the cow deep down in the very bottom of the very last folder at the back of the drawer. To no avail. My coworkers giggled each time I moved a folder. That blasted cow was so loud they cold hear it from practically everywhere in the building. Have I mentioned I work in a library?
I decided it was time for drastic measures. It was time for surgery. Non-elective. That battery was coming out. Only it turned out the screws weren’t compatible with a Phillips or a flat-head screwdriver. Nope. The screws had recessed, triangle impressions. Naturally.
Time to get creative.
I poured glue in the sensor so it couldn’t sense anything.
I put it in water for a few hours, took it out and drained it.
I won’t lie. At this point the cow was starting to scare me. What kind of battery works after soaking in water for hours? The US military should probably contact the makers of the indestructible battery. Seriously, anything running on this battery could survive Armageddon.
I was out of ideas. I put it back in the water for another few hours.
I tried it again, but left it in the water overnight. Once the water drained out the ‘moo’ was a little strangled. I was hopeful, but after a few minutes it started cheerily (creepily?) mooing away like it had never taken a deadly swim. What the heck was this thing running on?! I put it back in the water. And I made sure never to turn my back on it.
Last Friday, my coworkers left it out overnight in an attempt to run down the battery. I came into work to see it sitting innocently next to the sink…not mooing. I did a mental fist pump. Yes! Glue, tape, lots of water and a battery wear down finally took down the creepy cow.
Only it didn’t. Later in the day it started mooing again like it was brand new. Rusty water drained out and stained the sides of the cow. Paint was starting to wear off from so much water exposure. I knew I had to be close to beating that darn cow. I gave it several more overnight water “baths” and waited. Finally, finally, last week the cow stopped mooing.
I left for vacation a few days ago and I’m hoping that cow is still silent when I get back. Has it mooed its last moo? I hope so. If not, I’m going to give in, crack it open and see just what makes it tick.